“Psychology Today” (Psychology Today ©2021 Sussex Publishers, LLC) provides the following definition for narcissism:
“Narcissism is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, a need for excessive admiration, and the belief that one is unique and deserving of special treatment. If you encounter someone who consistently exhibits these behaviors, you may be dealing with a highly narcissistic individual.”
After having read the above definition, several people you and I know may come to mind who fit this description.
Self-importance. Have you ever spent time with someone who felt it was necessary to monopolize the conversation, EVERY time you are with that person? Obviously that person believes he or she is of far greater importance than anyone else. Perhaps the person might think that it is his or her way only, and everyone else falls far short.
Lack of empathy. A lack of empathy for others is certainly on the rise. That is obvious when you spend any amount of time in public places where you might have to wait in line. In fact, the drive on the highway will generally reveal those people who cannot possibly slow down to allow you to change lanes, or cross a highway. How about people who consistently have negative comments about everyone, rarely, if any, do you hear a compliment. Everyone else is stupid or an idiot.
Admiration. Do you know that person who wants to be fawned over all the time? The person who must have recognition for his or her good deeds is an example of someone who thrives on the admiration of people. This person definitely wants others to know how smart and knowledgeable he/she is.
Special Treatment. This is the person who truly thinks that he or she is so special that special treatment should be shown to him or her, not matter if they are at fault.
Before we go pointing fingers at others, let’s do our own self-examination. Our human, sinful nature is narcissistic! It is inborn into each of us.
But God, having secured our redemption through the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus, makes it possible for us to slowly shed our narcissistic tendencies, as we replace them with the desire to elevate others as more significant than we are.
Keep in mind that is not done by simply acting as though we elevate others. People can put on that appearance. It is a true heart and attitude change that God works in His people as His people cooperate with Him. God discerns between the true heart change and the appearance of a heart change.
God is looking at our hearts, and wants genuine humility.
Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”. That “old” includes our narcissistic ways. That doesn’t happen immediately upon receiving Jesus as Lord and Savior. It is a slow work of God’s Spirit in us, as we read the Bible, and interact with God through prayer.
Before I gave my life to Jesus, I sold Princess House Crystal. I was among top achievers in my group, and occasionally hit the national charts. However, it fed my narcissistic nature. I loved the attention. I loved the recognition. I felt I deserved it. I think back on that now and shutter. It did not lead to anything God-honoring in my life.
But God was not done with me, and by His mercy and grace He called me out of that life into a new place in His kingdom.
Narcissism must die in me.
That’s the first step toward true change. We must recognize the sin and want it to be dead. I can’t still want a little narcissism. There is no such thing for God’s people.
Scripture provides us with the account of the life of Samson. One friend refers to him as the “poster child” for narcissism!
The Biblical account of Samson provides us with the details of his life’s choices. His choices reveal he was a true narcissist.
We first hear about Samson in Judges 13 when his mother is told, by the angel of the Lord, that though she was sterile, she would bear a son, he was to be brought up as a Nazarite, set apart from birth to God, for the deliverance of Israel from the Philistines (Judges 13:1-5).
Samson was born, and blessed by God (Judges 13:24-25).
Judges 14 through 15 reveal the downward, self-centered, narcissistic destructive choices of Samson. From his arrogant demand that his parents obtain a Philistine wife (Judges 14:1-3), his prideful riddle (Judges 14:12-18), and his relationship with Delilah (Judges 16:1-20), Samson cared only about gratifying his own sinful desires.
But God, in His sovereignty, utilized Samson’s ungodly choices to accomplish His ultimate purpose for Samson’s life – the destruction of the Philistines (Judges 16:28-30).
Contrast the story of Samson with that of the Biblical account of Ruth and Boaz. In Ruth and Boaz we find two people who genuinely love God, and care for others without the desire for personal gain.
If Ruth and Boaz could live to bless others as God blessed them, then you and I can do likewise when Jesus is our Lord and Savior.
Ruth’s reputation was stellar and not narcissistic:
“Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before.” (Ruth 2:11)
“…All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character.” (Ruth 3:11)
What reputation do you have at home, at work, at school, or in your neighborhood? The better question: What reputation do you want to have?
I know I have further changes that need to come in my heart – my desires and motives – before my narcissistic tendencies are diminished.
But God is my Helper, and He will help me succeed in this battle.
God is waiting to hear from you, and to help you succeed in living as His new person in Christ, by the power of His Holy Spirit.
Romans 8:1-2 reminds us that God is on our side: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”, when we belong to Him!!
May you find victory over narcissism as you abide in Him. To God be all the glory!!
Living for Jesus, Donna
P.S. If this has helped you, please feel free to share it with others!
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Copyright 2021 Donna Shappy
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