I was thinking about friends who want to get married. It made me think further about all relationships, whether marriage, friendships, neighbors, church relationships, etc.
That is when I had to think about what I bring to my marriage and to my other relationships.
What is it that God would have me bring to these relationships became the question I had to ask myself. What does the Bible tell me that I need to give attention to so that my relationships are more honoring to Him?
I think that the best place to start is with Galatians 5:14: “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
I find myself increasingly asking myself, is what I’m going to say or do for someone else what I would want them to say or do for me. By asking myself that question, it causes me to pause before I speak or act, and I find God’s Holy Spirit speaks to me in that pause.
The other point I’ve learned from taking this time to pause before I speak or act, is that I’m
not considering what the other person wants but what God expects of me in these situations. Since we don’t even know our own hearts, but God does, I find it best to ask His guidance. Jeremiah 17:9 states that truth this way: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand.”
Proverbs 17:17 also helps guide me with my relationships: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Extending God’s love, which is the love we use as our guide, does not always mean that we are doing what the other person wants, but heeding the guidance of the Holy Spirit so that our love is an extension of His love through us.
God blesses us with His love, and He also disciplines us because He loves us.
God makes this clear in Hebrews 12:4-11: “In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?” Jesus, God’s only Son, gave His life to provide the opportunity for a living relationship with our eternal God. Once we have that relationship, God still disciplines us for our sins. We are thoroughly forgiven, but God wants us to live as close to Him as we can, and we can only do that through His loving discipline.
Philippians 2:3 raises another point that we must consider in building healthy relationships. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
Selfishness/self-centeredness is a relational killer. When I want to have a relationship, is my goal to satisfy myself, or to be God’s vessel for the other person? Relationships sour when they are all about ourselves.
I am learning to listen to myself, to see how often my thoughts are about me, rather than about God or others. Often, after speaking, it is then that God causes me to LISTEN to what I’m saying.
Listening is sooo hard, but vital to our relationship with God and others. I’m sure you’ve heard it said, we have two ears and one mouth!! I should be listening twice as much (or even more) than I speak.
We need to be earnest in our relationships – first with God, and then with one another.
None of this happens overnight, but God works in us, over the length of our days, to develop our Christ-like character, so that we can have intimacy with Him and others.
What we bring to our relationships must stem from an intimate relationship with God, through Jesus. We should bring the desire to encourage people towards intimacy with God, because we are in an abiding relationship with Him.
However, I see that many people bring their neediness into relationships, rather than bringing to it a healthy vibrant relationship with God. Too many people enter into marriage, or other relationships, believing that the other person (other people) will meet their needs.
When we come to relationships with expectations that the other person is going to make us happy, we are in dangerous territory. Instead, we need to enter into all relationships with the mindset that we can edify the other person. This is what builds strong relationships.
God wants to be the One to meet and fill our needs. That is because He alone knows us thoroughly, as our Maker. He therefore, is the only One qualified to satisfy the longings of our hearts.
How about you – what is your thinking, your mindset on relationships? Are you expecting your spouse to fulfill your needs? Are you expecting your friends, and/or people at church to fulfill your needs? Is there something in your thinking that needs to change so that your relationship with God, and relationships with others, are more dynamic?
Do you know Jesus intimately? Do you want to know Jesus intimately? Do you have questions about relationships? You can reach me at: ButGodCares@gmail.com if you want to discuss any of this further.
Living for Jesus, Donna
P.S. If this has helped you, please feel free to share it with others!
Note: If the verses for Bible references do not appear when you hover over them, go directly to the website, and they should appear for you. Also, please remember to look at the full context of the verses by reading the complete passage.
Copyright 2025 Donna Shappy All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other – without the prior permission of the author.