How do people love those who are narcissistic?
It is not by our natural inclinations! Loving others, narcissistic people included, happens only as we rely on and abide in Jesus.
In truth, loving the narcissistic person is no different than loving anyone else. Narcissism is a sin. We are all sinful.
Jesus provides the perfect example to follow. He is absolutely selfless. He lived on this earth, and completely understands everything we experience in relationships. He navigated them perfectly, flawlessly.
Hebrews 4:15-16 helps us to understand this: “Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin! So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.” (CEV)
Living triumphantly in the midst of narcissism requires a personal, active, and growing relationship with Jesus.
Given the temperament of our current culture (sinful choices becoming acceptable), we cannot live triumphantly in the face of narcissism, or any other arrogant and prideful sinful ways, without abiding in Jesus (John 15).
Jesus is the great, self-sufficient, I AM:
“I am the bread of life.” (John 6:35)
“I am the light of the world.” (John 8:12)
“I am the door of the sheep.” (John 10:7)
“I am the resurrection and the life.” (John 11:25)
“I am the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6)
“I am the Vine.” (John 15:1)
Jesus is our Creator. He understands what we need, and when to provide help so that we can repent of our own sin, and rise above the consequences of the sins of others, which includes narcissism.
Once we have our relationship with Jesus established, we can turn to Him continuously to live triumphantly in the face of narcissism (and other sins).
The problem is, we don’t necessarily like the way it works. What the Bible tells us to do is very contrary to our emotional and often our volitional desires. When we are hurt by someone’s words or actions, we want revenge.
Oh, that desire for revenge is so very deceptive. It lures us away from what is beneficial to our lives, and draws us into the lies the enemy of our soul entices us with that make us think revenge is sweet. It is actually just the opposite. Revenge will sour our lives. It will ruin us if we allow it to linger in our hearts and minds. Forgiveness is the key to blessings and peace from God. Revenge is the key to destruction.
But God has the best way of dealing with those who mistreat His people. He tells us to leave revenge to Him, and He knows best.
Romans 12:17-21 – “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
The above verses from Romans bring together the guidance we need in how to behave when we are in relationships with those who are narcissistic, along with the command to leave vengeance to God.
The person who truly loves Jesus CAN treat the narcissistic person with kindness. It is because of the new person we are in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). It is not because we have innate goodness. It is the goodness of God indwelling His people through His Holy Spirit. Don’t worry about how our kindness is received by the narcissistic person. It could even appear to “feed” the person’s narcissism. We are not responsible for the person’s response to our kindness – that is God’s territory. God will address it, in His timing, and in His way.
What matters is how I respond to the person consumed with himself or herself. In as much as it hurts to be the recipient of the narcissistic person’s words and actions, it grieves God, so He will address it.
Please remember that I understand narcissistic people are motivated by the desire to appear superior, to be the center of attention, are not empathetic, and want the people in their lives to do everything to make them happy. But Godknows this, and helps His people rise above.
We cannot do anything to change our own narcissism. But God can change us as we abide in Jesus. No one can do that for anyone else. They really want Jesus, but simply don’t understand that truth. But God can fulfill the longings that drive the narcissistic person. That happens slowly, as God works in people’s lives.
Living for Jesus, Donna
P.S. If this has helped you, please feel free to share it with others!
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Copyright 2021 Donna Shappy
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